(no subject)

I fail. its simple its clean. cut and dry, It seems the only way I can turn this around is to just disconnect, from everyone, everything, no contact, just me, my guitar's and a radio. I wish so badly that I could explain myself to everyone. Simple fact of the matter is I can't. I don't understand myself as most people don't, and when I think I do I fumble over my words in my own head. I'm tired of that but not motivated enough to find a simple structure. All my security nets have broken and yet I find no ambition to repair them. Of course I care, of course I seek approval from peers and family, as much as I've resented all of the people who have cared for me as a child, my being doesn't allow me not to give a damn about what people think. It's natural to want to be thought of as a good person, and I am, but for all the wrong reason's. I'm one not to ask for help when I need it, and most who are looking at me threw a window can see I do, I tint it and tell them there crazy. I'm to stubborn for my own good. I'm not getting any younger, not to say that I'm old but its starting to feel that way, as most of you know who are reading this you were 10 last year, things were simple and life was just a waiting game. Now I cant wait for it to slow down.

Just bitchery

Its 4 in the morning and im not tired. I was thinking about alot of things as of late. Mainly, how fucked up she was to do what she did 2 years ago, why did u call me, why did you give me false hope on ever becoming anything again. It took so damn long to get you out of my head and even now i cant stand to think about the way you taste...but i miss it so fucking much, I know what anyone whos reading this is thinking "hahaha hes drunk" I FUCKING WISH, dont get me wrong i could be i have a bottle of tequilla sitting right next to me, but i hate tequilla so umm no, Why is it i can totally forget about any1 i havent seen in 8 months and not give a damn about them, but it takes me years to get you to not effect me anymore, Thats right ppl if i havent seen you or gotten drunk with you in a year prepair to not be given a shit about. That would effect sum more than others, and if you know i love you then your prolly like "fuckin right" But why cant i get you out of my head. Im righting this in lj mainly bec alot of ppl think ive already left for boot camp and well i havent hahaha , and writting this in the myspace would get to many negitive responses. also another reason im not gone yet is bec the u.s military is full of dumb ass leazion< didnt spell that right) officers who wont lift a finger to help you if it doesnt help them. I can go to college now, i dont want to, i quit an awesome job about a year ago very dumb of me. I hate michigan but i <3 scs and hp, Youll prolly never read this and god damn i hope you dont, i hope youll never know the hold you had on me, ive tried to be nice, but it turns out im an asshole, nothing i can do about it, i am who i am, and i know plenty of girls who like it that way, and would say that i am a good person, and that you were the asshole for what youve done to me, I fucking lied im a bit drunk hahahaha, not trashed but enough to take out pent up aggression in a decent manor. I should be over you, I xpect a comment from cezar or mike or sanjay saying stop being a fucking pussy and get a move on only to realize theyve all been here b4, So heres to 08' the first year you cant touch me the first year i forget about you completely and the first year i might try to actually get in a relationship and not dump her bec
you came back.
  • Current Music
    none

Well.............

Its been about a week since I have returned from the road. And it seems as if nothing has changed here, and honestly im not sure what im going to do yet. I know i need to get a job soon and I definitely need to hurry the fuck up and get my ged because not having it isnt helping. Im also kinda stressed out about my current love life situation, although I want to uphold what i have now.......im not sure if this story will end up so happy. I need to quit smoking because its getting to be to many a day and im not sure if im addicted to them, I think I smoke because there just there and if they wernt then I might not be tempted to. (as i write this i have a pack to my left)

For some reason Ive noticed that In the past few years I have fucked up so much and im not sure why.
Was it because I was lazy or didnt care? or was it because im afraid of getting older and realizing my time for fun was short and about to run out? Either way my past has now come back to haunt me. Although I never really held school on the highest pillar, im now realizing that it is actually important and have to force feed myself the one thing that I despise more than anything else. I blame no one else for what I have done with my life but me, and I think with all the bullshit ive been through, this will be the toughest period of time i'll ever have to endure. I only hope that for my own good I get through it
because at this point my anticipation for schooling is not the highest, and because this year was supposed to be the year of my graduation I have to watch all my friends from when I was in third grade walk as I stand in the bleachers listening to there speeches about how there life journey has just started when mine started two years ago, and with such a head start on things i havent gotten that far.
Its sort of a downer thinking about all the things ive done wrong and having to come to terms with myself. And if the road trip taught me anything its that in order to survive certain things need to be done in order to continue on, if only I had learned this sooner.
  • Current Music
    hot hot heat-goodnight goodnight

I went from phoenix arizona all the way to tacoma, phillidalphia, atlanta, L.A, (im not kidding)

Ok so about a month ago I met these guys at a place were i like to go eat after work and found out they were on a road trip across the u.s.a so we talked with them for a while and they convinced me into comming to penn. with them, and so about an hour of knowing them i left michigan for phillidalphia and said i have to be back in michigan on friday for work, So off i went and we got to philly partied it up at penn. state university and then went to one of the best ska shows ever, the toasters played good times were had by all and after the hangovers we went  back threw ohio into indianna and threw illinois and finally back to michigan. We got back friday morning and that night i collected my last pay check and my w2's, told my boss "fuck you" and left for a party in ann arbor, The next morning went back to st.clair shores and my friends had a going away party for me and my new found friends at a really nice hotel and the next morning we were on our way to florida. Driving out of michigan made me kinda of sad but i got over that right quick as we crossed the border to ohio.

By the way FUCK OHIO that place we niknamed "satans asshole" the only way im going back is to go home. Well we got through ohio, and then Kentucky, then tennessee, then georgia, and finally to florida. We stayed there about a week and met holly (ians girlfriend) and mandi im sorry i didnt come to see you but there will be other days. After that week we left to to texas and on the way went through alabama, mississippi, and in louisianna we saw all the damage the hurricane caused it was sweet there were new cars abandoned at the bottom of the interstate it was like an automobile graveyard. We left louisianna and got to texas and met two cool ass people who went to texas a&m, named curtis and rachelle and they let us crash in there dorm for the night. The next day we went to two parties they were both bad ass but the second one got me hooked on this game called guitar hero which i need to buy. Then we stayed one more night with curtis and rachelle.

The next day was a party at texas university (the longhorns) and man i got trashed, that night we got into a car accident but everyone was ok
(i smashed my head into a head rest, thats ironic) got the cops called on us twice and we passed out in the car at a 7 11 parkinglot. The next morning we found ourselfs not starting the car for a good 3 hours because the chip in the key was lost, but i found it out in the parking lot and we celebrated by buying dominos pizza and a guy just passing by saw our car and all the window paint and bought us a pizza and 2 litter.

After pizza we were off to finish driving through texas which was a long ass drive we went threw new mexico which was a cool state nothing in it but cool nontheless. Then we were off to arizona, I love arizona it was hot we climbed a huge mountain for no reason. When we reached the top of the mountain i reallized that in my mind things were right and it was time for me to go home, but i didnt.

We got to california at about 1 o'clock western standered time and made our way to L.A. And l.a is the nastyiest city ever, we climbd another mountain just so we could get a good picture of us and the hollywood sighn. I looked over the other side of the mountain at l.a and  was discusted by how bad the pollution really was. It looked like all of los angeles was set on fire and the quickly doused with water, it made me sneeze and cough and i felt like shit.

After cali we left for oragon to skate burnside and check out the mall
(which we got kicked out of because we jumped on the ice because they had an indoor ice rink) basicly that was it for oragon

We went north into washington to seattle to basiclly check out seattle university, and meet a guy who wanted to come along
(who bailed after 1 night in the car)  My last city was in some city just outside of seattle at a library where i told everyone i was leaving.
We all had a sad moment and hugged (im not going to lie i almost cried) and now we are in tacoma,washington and i should be home in 9 days. I cant wait to be back in michigan because it generally kicks ass and i get to see all my friends and family, and most importantly my emily.

So ill see you all soon and i cant wait to get back


                  
the green shows were the trip took me
the blue is how we are getting home
  • Current Mood
    happy damn skippy

Damn its been a while

So its been a while since i did the lj thing but i feel its time

Tonight was really cool i hung out with jess,lenny,sovey,(and there boyfriends brian and mat) goerge, the other mat, this guy who kicked some ass at bowling, justin, pete, and emily. it started with a trip to the lindas me and jess smoked (jess if u dont want that in here ill take it out but its here 4 now) talked to this guy henry in texas, went bac to lindas said by to justin, peter, and emily, went to the bowling ally watched for a bit then played (jess i beat your ass) i love you, did the bowling thing and now i update and i dont have to work for the next two days yay and ya thats about it
  • Current Music
    aiden-last sunrise

(no subject)

Wow talking to mandi always a pleasure and well today consisted alot of me being pissed off well most of you know why(and u gettem emmily) went shopping at the mecca of socialization for scene kids yes the mall went to the hot topic fun and got belts and i got that button jesse but your still sowing it on for me ( i will take my pants off so u can ;-) ) got taken out of the crappy prerequizite class of foods and yes got moved to the more addvanced culinary arts whoop whoop thats about it much love for all night bitches

by the way somthing is really fudged up with my clock on this if u know how to fix it tell me
  • Current Music
    lies-billy talent

Work work work

So for the past few days ive done nothing but work my ass off but on the brighter side i have cash and am going to get an iguana, and tomarrow im going to take emily to lunch and to see charlie and the chocolate factory and thats about it, damn im boring.
  • Current Music
    slipknot-vermillion part 2

Good day all in all

So I woke up today at 7:30 and got ready for sovey to pick me up for the registration went there and found out i need to go to the counselers office at 9 am on friday to do all my junk all they gave me was a little fucking folder to carry my papers (that made me pissed). Then lindas, coffee, and fries then to lennys house were we played pool for a while and me and emily stomped on j and ally. We all went upstairs to watch hostage which of what i saw was good. I asked out emily and she said yes(whoop whoop) so now were an item. watched a little bit of sin city and emily left it kinda sucked (i tryed convincing her not to go to band) but sin city is trippy as fuck i need to watch it a few more times b4 i totaly understand it. Left lennys and went to allys on a quest for liquore didnt find any so ended up smoking pot on the peir. j lost a good size amount in the lake (it was sad) talked to amber about god and stuff then came home and im thinking im done with pot completly well i dont know yet but im sure ill quit so fuck it im going to so my last words to it r this rest in peace. im out
  • Current Music
    jacks lement-nightmare before christmas sound track